Grief In All of Its Forms
- minor spoilers
Grief follows loss in many forms. For some people, coming out is followed by a period of grief. Perhaps it’s the grief your family experiences in losing the straight child they wished to have had. Or, it’s the grief you personally experience from losing friends & loved ones that were always there for you, until you said the words. For others, being “outed” is often followed by grief from loss of an experience that someone intentionally took from you.
But sometimes, it all works out. We find ourselves in loving homes, with supportive families, & rock solid friends. There are many times when it’s our own projections that hold us back. We try to delay or avoid the possible rejection because we are all too familiar with rejecting the part of ourselves that we tried so hard, for so long, to ignore.
So much so, that while we’re afraid of disappointing others, we often create scenarios where we sacrifice our truth to try to protect them from it, but end up hurting ourselves more. This self-rejection is what we see through the perspective of one of the main characters as he struggles with fears about his sexuality & how it will affect his family.
The series walks us through a sequence of events that are all deeply connected to one another & how they all affect each other. It then leads us to the profound realization that everything we say & do affects everyone to some extent, & then asks us to reflect on how we deal with the consequences of those actions, in how we navigate through our own feelings of regret, guilt, blame, & shame. While there are points of the series that revolve around grief & loss, it shares this through the different perspectives of each character & through the lens of a new normal, navigating through the pandemic. The topics are timely & necessary, highlighting conversations we should be having to discuss feelings that we often try to avoid.
The fact that the main characters aren’t straight shouldn’t matter, because love is love, but here’s one major reason why it does: it’s too important of a time for equal marriage rights worldwide, to not acknowledge their sexuality. Gameboys was able to create a significant & relevant storyline with timely references, while building on the importance of the relationship shared between the two main characters.
This series has something for everyone. When it was recommended to us from a shared reaction video on YouTube, I immediately added it to our watchlist afterwards. Although the series is still airing, episodes 6–8 teaches teens & young adults more about coping with grief & loss than most schools ever have. This is what also makes it an essential part of Q-media. When I’m picking Q-media for my LGBT+ Y/A group, the main questions I have are, can this be teachable & is this relatable? I want to ensure that we’re watching shows that provide active representation & powerful storytelling that people can often relate to, but don’t always have access to or an outlet for. Especially, when it comes to LGBT+ young adults & their mental health.
People are often under the assumption that just because you don’t have a mental illness, you are exempt from experiencing things that affect your mental health — such as: the pandemic, loss of a loved one, how to handle grief, & how to support people that are grieving unconditionally without taking anything personally.
So many people, teens & young adults especially, are unsure of how to handle or talk about grief when it comes to supporting friends or loved ones that experience a loss. They’re afraid of saying too much, not saying enough, or saying the wrong thing. People reach out & might not get a response, & either feel like they’re being ghosted or feel like they’re being too intrusive. Then, they might not reach out again because they feel like the lack of response is personal & relate it to that person’s ability to respond vs their capacity to respond.
We tend to make things about ourselves in the way that we experience those things in how they directly relate to us. But, sometimes people need to feel supported by knowing that you’re there, even if they have no capability to reciprocate. This display of support between characters, by simply sending daily (video) messages, is the missing piece. It shows how effective communication could be when we’re willing to detach from the expectation of routine, & support someone unconditionally — even if it’s not 50/50 when conditions change & we need to receive, but we have nothing (at that moment) to give.
People need to feel worthy of support from loved ones without feeling like a burden & without feeling obligated to contribute or participate in the support received, aside from just knowing that they are being supported in the grief that they are experiencing while it exists.
I sincerely believe that there are many things that are better taught by sensory stimulus by seeing them & feeling them, as opposed to just hearing them in a lecture or reading them in a book. This is why Q-media like this needs to exist, & I’m so grateful that it has been made available internationally on a platform that everyone can access.
